Kicked Out

My dad has officially kicked me out of his house. Because I spent another night at my guy friend's house. I'm 20 years old and I can't even do stuff like this.

I have been crying all day long because I have no other options. My older sister who lives in California was going to help me out and come and get me tonight, but then she decided that it was an easy way out for me and that I should do this on my own. Thanks, sis. Helps me soooooo much. NOT.

I have applied for a nanny position in California. If I get hired, then I will definitely move, but then I will be leaving my friend. And I promised that I wouldn't let anything or anyone stand in my way of having a good relationship. I like him a lot and this is really hard for me. If only I had a good job with a good income, I would stay in town and find an apartment and everything will be great. But. I don't.

I have applied to sooo many places, I mean I even contacted anonymous places for anonymous donations and such. So far, no hits. Not even one little tiny hit. Ugghh!! I hate my town! It's so stinking jobless! If that even makes sense to you, because it makes perfect sense to me.

Honestly, I hope I don't move to California - it would be kinda nice, but on the other hand I don't want to leave my oldest and younger sisters and my adorable nephews and my guy friend. You know what, we're gonna call him Z.

I have packed all of my clothes already and all my bags are in the car.  And now I feel like crying again. Grrr! I've cried too much today and I'm surprised I have any tears left.

Please help me!!

this song makes me cry even more every time I listen to it. Which is like every time it ends I play it again. 

~Our memories will fade forever away~

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~I'll sacrifice everything for you~

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~This destiny is mine. Please don't take it away~

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~It's the fear that holds me back from you~

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~I can feel myself drifting away from this life~

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~Tell me I'm frozen~