"Tried to take a picture. Of love.
Tried to write a letter. In ink.
It's been getting better, I think.
I got a piece of paper. But it's empty...."
Do you ever feel that you try too hard, but you are filled with nothing instead? Doing the best you can at finding a job, at pleasing others... But nothing ever works.
That's how I feel sometimes. Trying too hard has it's downfalls. Because you don't always succeed and you feel like you're a failure. I know I feel this way a lot of the time. Finding a job is hard, especially if no one is hiring. Your family tells you that you need to find a job and not sit around all day, but what if they tried to look for a job? What would their results be? Probably very similar to mine.
I feel empty inside. I feel nothing. Except for sadness and tears. And broken. But I'm going to counseling, I shouldn't feel this way, I think. But no, a counselor can't change the way you feel when you think about your past. I know, I know, I should think about my present and future and be positive. But. Did you have my childhood? No. So I can't help but think about my past. Sure I'm adopted and have a father and mother. But in reality, I'm fatherless and motherless. My birth father committed suicide a few days after I turned 18 and my birth mother is nowhere to be found. I don't think she would be too happy if she found out that my sister and I are fine and alive. I don't even know if she ever thinks about us. I do wonder - does she remember that she has two daughters? Who were taken away from her because of the very bad choices she decided were more important than her own children.
I don't know what I would say to my birth mom if I ever saw her. I'd most likely ask the questions such as, "Why did you do this? Why weren't we important to you?" "What happened?"
What's your story? What's your pain? This is mine.
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