Alone

Everyone feels alone every single day.

Which is why I am writing tonight - I really should be going to bed, but I'm not tired and I don't want to sleep. Ever since I was adopted in 2005, my parents, mostly my mom has sheltered me from life. I was home schooled and never had many friends. The only friends I had were from my church, but they've all moved away to different states and are going to college. And I'm here. Living with my dad. Yes, my parents divorced about two years ago, when I was 18 almost 19. My youngest sister lives with my mom, but I wish she lived with my dad, because I get lonely being here by myself every single day.
I spend most of my time on my laptop watching movies or listening to music. I'm 20 and don't even have a real job - I'm just a nanny to a family of 4 kids and I don't work for them very often.

I wish I could go live in Portland and go to college and live out my dream. But I don't have money to get an appt and I have so many chiropractic bills - I feel like I'm drowning.

So many things are wrong with me. I always hurt myself - not on purpose. I'm very accident/injury prone and have been in a few car accidents and other accidents and have left me in a lot of physical pain. I've been to a chiropractor and a physical therapist, but there's just so much they can do and they don't heal back problems.

It's kinda sad... I've never even had a proper boyfriend. One, but he lasted only about two weeks and he was the one who dumped me. I never even did anything wrong to deserve to get dumped. He just took a coward's way out by saying that he needed to get his life on the right track. About a month later he is in a relationship with someone else and I'm just left hanging. Guys are jerks. At least some of them. I have yet to meet a guy who is really nice and kind and actually tries to do the right thing. And communicates. Communication is very important to me. I hate hearing things from other people. It's just not polite.

I'm going to try and post at least once a day. I'm just letting off steam - even though I'm not really angry, just lonely and in need to talk about my feelings. I never talk about my feelings. Oh and I don't like people much. Or at least I don't like crowds. I get a little nervous when there are soo many people around me. This world is a little too big.

Good night to you all and hope you feel less lonesome knowing there are people just like you and me.