Still in Love

So many of us are still in love with someone that they had to let go. Because the person didn't want you or because he/she was afraid of hurting you so they said that they don't want to be your friend. Or maybe because you said something wrong without meaning to. And regretted it.

I met him last year. Actually, I needed money for gas for my car and my friend and I called him and I asked him if I could borrow $20. And that's when I officially met him. I'd seen him once before at my friend and her boyfriend's house. Anyway, he lent me $20 and that's when we started hanging out. We went to his friend's house and I listened to them play on guitars and drums and the piano. I played on the piano sometimes, but since I didn't know anything by memory, I only played a few small things. Sometimes I made up the notes as I went along. It was lots of fun. Other times he would record me saying something and then I would have to make him erase the recording - because, like most everyone, I hated hearing myself on a recorder.

He told me he really liked me. But he was going through a terrible time in his life - a divorce. Only 23 and already going through a divorce. I felt bad. He was depressed a lot and I tried to bring just a little bit of joy to him every time I saw him. I believe that if it wasn't for the divorce in his life, that we might have been a couple. But I don't know. Unfortunately, he was drunk when he asked me if he could be my boyfriend. I should have said, "Ask me when you're sober." But I didn't. I said of course. It was around this time that we kinda drifted apart. I rarely heard from him and when I did he told me he was ok and that I shouldn't worry. But I did worry. He was going through so much. I told him I cared and I wanted to help. But he said that I didn't know him well enough to care. But I did. I cared.

I never saw him again. I texted him once in a while. And sometimes I would get a reply, other times it would be weeks before I heard from him. Finally my friend told me that he doesn't want to be friends with me any more, that it's probably awkward for him to see me and that I should move on and not waste any more time on him. That it wasn't worth it. So I did. I stopped texting him. I've tried to stop thinking about him, but it's hard not being able to think about someone.

this song relates to me soo much