Sunshine of Heavenly Blue Skies

Hello blog readers. It's been a while since I've written, but ever since April 10th, I haven't really been ready to talk about my beautiful cat, Sunshine.

A tragedy happened on April 10. Earlier that day, I had been out with my sister and nephews walking around Costco. When I came back to my dad's house, my boyfriend had just come off work and was waiting to go to dinner with me. As we were walking towards his car, we both noticed my cat, Sunny lying on the ground. She looked like she was taking a nap and I didn't think anything of it, except it being a weird place for her to sleep. We got in the car and I said, "Silly girl". But my boyfriend wasn't as amused as I was. He thought something was wrong, so he got out of the car and went to check on her. He was there only for a few seconds before he came back to the car and said, "your cat is dead, honey." I didn't believe him and told him he was lying. But he looked very serious when he once again said that my cat really was dead. I got out of the car and started walking towards her, but I barely made it halfway before he stopped me. When I saw her lying so still on the ground, I screamed and almost collapsed on the ground. He caught me and held me up. I could barely breathe, I was crying so hard.

After a few minutes, he took my into my dad's house and sat me down on the couch/bed. Then he went into the office and told my dad what had happened. They both went outside and after a few minutes I went to my dad's room and watched out the window where they were burying her under a lilac bush.

After they were done, my boyfriend came in and asked me if I wanted to say good - bye. I went outside and sat there for about an hour. I told her that she meant the world to me and I would never forget her. I told her I would miss her every single day.

I took this picture earlier that day before she died. 

Ever since April 10th, I've had a very hard time dealing with the death of my beautiful Sunshine. She was my everything, she knew all my secrets and was always there for me in all of my sad and happy moments. To have had her torn away from me so suddenly shattered my heart into pieces and it's taking a long time to put them back together.

 Every now and then I feel that she is around me. But I know that she will never be more than a heartbeat away.

I love you my Sunshine. I always will.

Sunshine of Heavenly Blue Skies

I dedicate this song to my princess.

You deserve this and so much more.

In Loving Memory

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't written in a while :( I haven't been feeling up to writing anything, not even my blog or school papers.

To update since my last post, I have changed my career options and instead of going for a lawyer, I'm going to become a social worker for children. I feel that because of my situation during my childhood, I can relate to children much more with what they are going through, feeling and thinking. Children deserve the best of what we can give them. And if we can't give them what they need, it might be best to find someone who would be able to. 

Right now I'm taking just one class - Crisis Assessment, Intervention and Prevention. I was taking Sociology too, but unfortunately I had to drop out because I wasn't doing so well. I wasn't as prepared for the class as I thought I was. 

Next term, (which is at the end of March), I'm going to be taking Writing, Community Resource and Ethics and Law. Funny thing - I am going to have the same teacher for CR and Ethics and Law as I did for Psychology! I liked the teacher and I'm glad that I get to have her again. 

A year ago at the end of January was the one year anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Yes, yes, we are still together! :) We have great times together, and to be honest some bad. But that doesn't change how I feel about him and how much I love him. 

I still haven't found a job :( I have applied at so many, but only got one interview and they never called back after the first interview. It feels hopeless to even search for a job sometimes, especially with no car or driver's license. It's much harder, I'll tell you that! 

I have some sad news to tell you too :'( A few days before Christmas my grandma died. About a month later, my grandfather passed away as well. And then on the 28th of Feb, my dad's dog had to be put to sleep because he had arthritis in his front right leg and cancer in his hind right leg. Let's just say that the past few months have been (excuse my language) shitty as hell. 

Just a few days ago, I talked to my Russian uncle, cousin and aunt. I miss them so much it hurts. And I miss my great-aunt even more because I don't get to see her or talk to her as often as I do with my uncle, and with my uncle I hadn't talked to in almost a year. He told me that the next time they go to visit her, that he will try to set up a skype video call on his cell phone. I hope that it will work and that I will get to talk to her. Just thinking about it is making me tear up because I want to see her and feel her so much and so bad!! It's not fair!!!!!!! 

In other news, I have been going to physical therapy for my back so that I can get settlement money from the other drivers' car insurance when I was in that one accident in 2013. I am hoping to get a significant amount of money, which will help me pay for all the bills that have been accumulated over the past few years as well as get a  hardship permit so that I can drive to school instead of having to depend on other people.

I miss my little sister, it wasn't right of my mom to send her away from me. Feels like my sister was too much of a burden for her so that my mom could spend time with her fiance. A lot of the time I feel like she doesn't care what is going on in her daughters' lives. I feel like that if I had a really horrible day, she wouldn't know about it because she doesn't ask - and if she asks about something, it's always about something that she wants to benefit her and not us. Oh well. It's better not to dwell on that too much.